I Don´t Know, I Don´t Remember...

Realmente no lo sé, no lo recuerdo,

¿Cuándo fue la última vez?

Hoy me vuelvo a encontrar mirando por la ventana, 

viendo las nubes grises pasar lentamente,

me extravío  en sin sentidos, en sueños vacíos.

¿Qué caprichos guían mi imaginación?

agotada, vuela de un futuro incierto

a un pasado inalcanzable;

con la misma velocidad que crea infinitas realidades,

las clasifica, las tritura y las deshecha.

Suelo ordenar mi pensamiento con preguntas,

respondo los "qué" "cuándo" "por qué" pero el "para qué"

me primerea, me gana la mano y la partida.

¿Será esa la causa de mis desvaríos?

Ahí empecé de nuevo...

Y en esos desvaríos y pérdida de tiempo

me encuentro preguntándome otra vez

¿Cuándo fue la última vez?

¿La última vez que escuché y sentí la sinceridad de tus labios,

el último honesto "te amo" o "te extraño"?

¿Hace dos años? ¿Uno?

¿Con ésta óptica debo analizar lo que antes no tenía explicación?

La honestidad es una ofrenda preciosa, un bálsamo milagroso,

¿Llegará algún día? 

Las nubes siguen pasando y sigo desvariando, perdón.

Confundiendo cortesía...

        (0:45 a 1:44)

Dan Evans: What did Doc Potter give his life for, William? McElroy...
Ben Wade: Little red ants on a hill.
Grayson Butterfield: I'll pay you the 200, Dan. Right now. And you can walk away.
Dan Evans: You know, this whole ride, that's been nagging on me. That's what the government gave me for my leg. $198.36. And the funny thing is that... when you think about it, which I have been lately, was they weren't paying me to walk away. They were paying me so they could walk away.
Ben Wade: Don't muddy the past in the present, Dan.
Dan Evans: No, no, no, Wade. I'm seeing the world the way it is.

(2:24 a 3:17)

Dan Evans: William, I want you to give this back to your mother. I want you to tell her that it helped me find what was right William Evans: Pa... I can't. I can't just leave you.

Dan Evans: I'm gonna be a day behind you, William. Unless something happens, and if it does, I need a man at the ranch to run things, protect our family, and I know that you can do that because you've become a fine man, William. You've become a fine man. You got all the best parts of me. What few there are. And you just remember that your old man walked Ben Wade to that station when nobody else would.

------------------

That time of courtesy it wasn't for me, it was for you alone.

truth will set you free...

Adrian: Can I talk to you? I want to ask you something important and I want you to tell me the truth.

Rocky: What?

Adrian: Why did you come here?

Rocky: I just don't want it no more.

Adrian: If it's over because you want it to be over, I'm glad.

Rocky: I do.

Adrian: It's just, you've never quit anything since I've known you.

Rocky: I don't know what you want me to say. I mean, what happened? How did everything that was so good get so bad?

Adrian: What's so bad? Tell me, what?

Rocky: I wrecked everything by not thinking for myself. I mean, why couldn't Mickey tell me where I was really at right from the start? He didn't have to carry me and lie to me and make me think I was better than I really was when I wasn't.

Adrian: He never lied.

Rocky: Those fights weren't right. They weren't, Adrian. I never fought anybody who was in their prime. There was always some angle to hold on to the title longer than I should have had it. I mean do you understand what I'm saying here?

Adrian: I understand, but you've got to understand that he loved you and that was his job--protecting you!

Rocky: Look, but that protecting don't help nothing. It only makes things worse. You wake up after a few years thinking you're a winner, but you're not. You're really a loser. So we wouldn't have had the title as long. So what?! At least it would've been real Adrian.

Adrian: It was real!

Rocky: Nothing is real if you don't believe in who you are! I don't believe in myself no more don't you understand? When a fighter don't believe, that's it! He's finished, it's over, that's it.

Adrian: THAT'S NOT IT!!

Rocky: That is it!

Adrian: Why don't you tell me the truth?!

Rocky: What are you putting me through, Adrian?! You wanna know the truth? The truth is I don't want to lose what I've got. In the beginning I didn't care about what happened to me. I'd go in the ring, I'd get busted up, I didn't care! But now there's you, there's the kid. I don't want to lose what I've got!

Adrian: What do we have that can't be replaced? WHAT?! A house, we've got cars, we've got MONEY! We got everything but the truth. WHAT'S THE TRUTH, DAMN IT?!

Rocky: I'M AFRAID! ALL RIGHT?! YOU WANT TO HEAR ME SAY IT? You want to break me down? All right, I'm afraid. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid.

Adrian: I'm afraid too. There's nothing wrong with being afraid.

Rocky: There is. For me, there is.

Adrian: Why? You're human aren't you?

Rocky: Look, I don't know what I am. All I know is I'm a liar, and because of that Mickey ain't here no more.

Adrian: You didn't push him into anything! He was a grown man and he did what he had to do! And you have no right to feel guilty for what happened. You don't! You were a champion, and you did what you were expected to do, and you did what I and everybody else thought you should do. And you wanna tell me that those fights weren't real, that you were carried? Well I don't believe it! But it doesn't matter what I believe because you're the one that's got to carry that fear around inside you, afraid that everybody's going to take things away and afraid that you're going to be remembered as a coward, that you're not a man anymore. Well, none of it's true! But it doesn't matter if I tell you. It doesn't matter, because you're the one that's gotta settle it. Get rid of it! Because when all the smoke has cleared and everyone's through chanting your name, it's just going to be us. And you can't live like this. We can't live like this. Cause it's going to bother you for the rest of your life. Look what it's doing to you now. Apollo thinks you can do it, so do I. But you gotta want to do it for the right reasons. Not for the guilt over Mickey, not for the people, not for the title, not for money or me, but for you. Just you. Just you alone.

Rocky: And if I lose?

Adrian: Then you lose. But at least you lose with no excuses, no fear. And I know you can live with that.

Rocky: How did you get so tough?

Adrian: I live with a fighter.

Rocky: I really love you. I love you.

Ára Bátur

Persistent memory.

I´m on an island,

I don't know how I got here.

The time feels different,

the days are long

and the nights are longer still.

A veil covers my old life,

I see it as if it were a half remembered dream,

distant, grey, unsignificant...

either way, that´s all I have in this place.
Sometimes I see myself in a boat and I hear a smile...

There´s no yellow, orange or green,
there's no sun or moon,
the light it's just in the air,
although tenuous, it blinds me.

There´re no stars either,
the sky is sealed with dark clouds
as far as the eyes can see.
I can´t smell anything, the food doesn´t taste
 but it sickens me anyway.

I have already walked all the shores,
the sea it´s darker than the sky,
the water is oily, quiet, treacherous...
Somehow I know that a terrible beast lies beneath...
waiting.

A mountain rises in the center of this land,
I found a cave at its feet,
but I do not dare to enter, the shadows are substantial here...
once they grab you there´s no scape.

Hidden between the rocks lies a pond,
In it I saw another place,
a place of my memories, and a person,
but I could not see the face, it was blurred to me;
there´s so much I want to tell,
but there´s no point, it can´t hear me.

As the days went by, I stopped wondering why I'm here,
If I deserve it,
Stop asking if I came alone,
Or if someone will come to save me.

I try to do what I feel I should do,
I have no power over this place, but I can change myself instead.
I´am aware that every second spent here
poisons the soul.

Sadly it is true what they say...
there can´t be true despair without hope,
I have tasted it,
and I still have hope,
and I believe that this place it´s some kind of prison,
designed for torture.

While I was digging I found a paddle boat.

It's the boat that brought me here?

It has holes and missing pieces everywhere.

maybe I can fix it...

But I won´t for now,
what´s left of my heart will endure this place,
because I believe in something,
it´s a long shot, if I´m right I get to still be me,
if I´m wrong...
I may become one with the beast of the deep.